captkevman

For no particular reason, I’ve been really tense and angry for the past day or two. I went to bed tense and angry last night, and woke up the same way. Angela noticed and tried to convince me to relax, but that only exacerbated my tension and anger.

The thing was, I could see that I was tense and angry, and I really didn’t want to be that way, and my frustration with being tense and angry only served to make me more tense and angry. Frustrated, I left for work this morning.

On the way to work, I stopped by 7-Eleven, and I refilled my Bladder-Buster Big Gulp™ cup and got a breakfast bite. The fellow working there was around 60, and having a great time. He was playful and friendly to every customer in the place, including me.

Working at 7-Eleven must be a thankless, crappy job, and I’m sure if it weren’t for the economy, that guy would probably have a nice job at some corporation or contractor or city or somewhere. And I’m sure he must think about that daily, if not hourly.

But he was practically floating on clouds when I was in that store. He was having fun and enjoying his day, and in doing so, he was improving the day for other people, as well. Maybe that’s what it’s all about, after all.

So thank you, 7-Eleven Guy, for teaching me the importance of finding joy all of life’s moments.

I mentioned in my “H” post that my marriage had just endured its first major trial since we got married nearly fifteen years ago. Again, I won’t go into details about what happened, but I will discuss what I have taken away from it.

Our marriage had fallen into the trap where we never had time to see each other without the stress of the house and the kids (at least one of our kids is very challenging to deal with daily), and since we’re on opposite work schedules, very little got done in the house as far as cleaning/maintaining it. We each expected the other to pull more than their fair share of duties in both housework and parenting, and eventually, we started regarding each other with a bit of contempt. We had lost the joy of being together. We had lost Kevin and Angela to being dad and mom, the stresses and schedules of our respective jobs, and all the other trivial but necessary minutiae of life. We weren’t living, we were coping.

So it got to the point where this Trial emerged and threatened the very foundation of our family. This trial came to a crescendo last night, and it wasn’t until late last night/early this morning that we learned how we had fared, so it was a long and excruciating night for both of us.

Early on in this trial (which lasted about a week — the longest week of my life, ended by the longest night of my life), something deep within me had surfaced — something that illuminated to me my shortcomings both as a husband and a father — that compelled me to work harder at being better at both of those roles. It carried me through the week.

Thankfully, we passed this trial better than I had expected or had even dared to hope. After tearfully celebrating in each other’s embrace, we both got some much-needed sleep for most of the morning, and we set off with the kids to go to the playground, which ended up being too crowded for us to even park the car. So we drove around, not really having a destination.

We found ourselves driving near the park where we got married, and we had not visited there in years — certainly not while the kids were old enough to remember. So that became our destination. We parked the car and walked to the deck and gazebo overlooking the water where we exchanged our wedding vows. It was like time had brought us back, and we looked in each others’ eyes and watched the years fall away.

I was falling in love with her all over again.

We shared this special place, this special day, with our kids. We told them this is the place where our family began, so it was a sacred and special place. Angela and I held each other overlooking the water mere inches from where we wed. Our daughter explored a few trails through the wooded area near the gazebo and found a stick she fancied. I told her that stick had fallen from a tree that was most likely growing the day her mother and I exchanged vows. She kept it as a souvenir of her visit, and asked if we could come back again.

We left the gazebo and made our way out of the trail and stopped at the playground so the kids could play before we got back in the van to leave. Angela and I sat there, enchanted by the others’ gaze, smiling and giggling at each other like grade school kids in puppy love.

We came back home, had a bit of a nap while the kids played and watched TV, and we ended the evening dancing in the kitchen while the kids looked on in mock horror (or maybe it was real horror - they’re not used to seeing their parents acting this way, fawning all over each other, giggling and smiling and laughing with each other).

All I know is that in the past 24 hours, I’ve experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs and I feel like a renewed man with a new lease on my life, my marriage, and my family.

And right now, I’m so full of joy I can barely contain it.